by Deborah Lindsey

The other day someone asks me that dreaded question, “so how would you rate your self-confidence” as if it were even POSSIBLE to give a one-word answer to a question like that.  Inside I wanted to say, “very, very high, thank you” but I  knew that was an unacceptable answer, that no one would really believe it.

So it has got me to thinking. What the heck IS self-confidence and how DOES one rate it? To me it really feels like a two-part question. How much CELF-Confidence do I have, as in how much do I approve of my CELLULAR structure (i.e. the body), and how much do I like my SELF, the higher part of me, the true essence of who I am. To me they are radically different answers.

And I came to realize that when people ask that they are often asking, at least it seems to me, “Do you like yourCelf, your BODY?” So when I answer the question I feel like I have to couch my answer with whether or not I like my body or at least whether it is APPROPRIATE to like my body, given current conditions.  And in my observation, the only people who are ALLOWED to like their body, according to social rules and expectations, are those lucky ones who were born physically beautiful and those  have somehow managed to create a beautiful body through surgery and/or exercise.  The rest of us are sort of relegated to the place of apology, like somehow the body we are given isn’t good enough and we need to publicly acknowledge that we know that or, if we say we actually really LIKE our less-than-”perfect” bodies we are somehow lying and must be pitied.

But if you ask me about my SELF-confidence the answer is very different. I can honestly say that I like who I AM. I AM capable and kind and smart and helpful and I make a difference. I AM good at a lot of things and I am worthwhile. My life is worthwhile. This is the true essence of who I am, the part of me that travels with me after death and who is immutable. It is the part of me that is in constant communication with my higher SELF and with the divine forces that run the body. It is the TRUE me, the part of me that will never be harmed or destroyed. If you ever got to know me, this is the part of you that you would be getting to know. It is my little slice of divinity and it is very, very good.

But how do you say THAT when someone asks  you how you rate your “self/celf confidence”?

A few weeks ago I was watching a TV show called Touch. I like the show because of the opening sequence. The rest of the show, where they go chasing things, I can take or leave. But the OPENING of the show makes my heart sing every time. Not only do they intersperse sacred-geometric shapes into the opening, automatically activating awakening all over the planet, but the opening sequence actually SAYS SOMETHING worth saying about life itself and I love it.

So a few weeks back, the child who is narrating the opening sequence says something like, “There are 7 billion people on the planet and every one of them is unique.” Now that might not sound like an important or even significant sentence but it  hit me like a ton of bricks. Think about that. 7 billion people and EVERY ONE of them is UNIQUE! This is particularly amazing when you realize that pretty much every one of us has two eyes, two ears, one mouth, one nose, one head, two arms, 10 fingers, etc. It isn’t like nature has a huge number of variables that its working with here. We are all made of the same sacred geometric patterns and with very specific parameters.  And yeah we have a couple of different breeds or races but there are only a few of those variations as well.

So nature pulled off one heck of a stunt to create 7 billion people who are unique! And when you consider that there has NEVER been another you and never will be, well, you have to figure that throughout time there have been maybe 20 billion people and you are the only you! Isn’t that freaking mind-blowing?!

And I think that uniqueness, that signature or stamp that is MINE in this lifetime really deserves to be loved and cherished. I am in all ways extraordinary, not just my SELF but my CELF as well. I only wish that we could find a way to transform our social perspectives on beauty and worth into an inclusive and all-loving model. We would all be so much happier.

I also think about this theory that I devised as a kid that I called “The 100% rule.” At some point along the way I realized that we all are born with 100% , its just divided out differently. So some people are physically beautiful but they aren’t kind. And some are fat and have pimples but they are brilliant and talented in ways that most will never know. And I have learned that those who look like they have it all on the surface are almost always a mess underneath. Hollywood is a prime example of that. And those who look like they are a real mess on the outside are a treasure on the inside.

And at the end of the day, I think this is a lot of what I hope to accomplish at IMU (International Metaphysical University.) Our tagline is “Exploring Consciousness Through Education.”  Perhaps what it is saying is “exploring SELF-Consciousness through education” for as you delve into the layers of consciousness, you delve into the layers of your SELF  and isn’t that ultimately what this trip to earth is all about?

I used to think that being SELF-conscious was a bad thing. lol!

So I guess that brings us back to the original question. How would I rate my self-confidence? And I guess, with this as the true question I can honestly say, “very, very high.”

Hope that’s true for you too.